What not to Say

When I began this blog, I did it with the intention to help others. This post if for the friends and family of families who have lost a little one. If you are someone who has lost a little a child due to stillbirth, please add additions in the comments sections. This is not a complete list, I'm sure I will add to it with time.

I am a self described know-it-all, I'm sure there is more than one (o.k. closer to a million) occasion that I have offered unsolicited advice to my friends and family on every topic from finances to dating. But since losing Jackson, I have become much softer with my tongue, letting comments go to my brain-then mouth. The filter method is working well for me.

In the past 6.5 months I have had so much support from so many people, it was amazing who steps up in a time of need and who really sucks.

This blog was prompted by a recent run in with a former co-worker. While her intentions were good, her comments were so hurtful. In the case of a loss, less is definitely more when it comes to words. I understand the awkwardness of not knowing what to say. I also greatly appreciate the fact that people acknowledge Jackson. Even if what they say hurts my broken heart. It's kind of a double edge sword for me.

So here are a list of few things not to say (in my opinion of course!)-

• God needed another angel- This one is going to be hard for me to write on right now, because as a women of faith, I am still angry with God. But I will tell you as a women who held her baby in my arms, I didn't want to give god an angel. I know that Jackson is in heaven and I am slowing coming to terms with having a special angel, but I wasn't in it for making angels.
• God only takes children if there is something wrong-I held a perfectly precious baby with 10 fingers and 10 toes and doctors can't give me a medical explanations for the stillbirth.
• God only gives us what he knows we can handle- If you are listening God- my plate is full.
• It wasn't meant to be- Who are we to decide that?
• You can try again- There will always be a place in our hearts for Jackson and no other child will ever replace that. We will be thankful for more children and we will love them with all our hearts, but they will never be meant to replace J.T.
• Aren't you glad it didn't happened after he was born- Nope. I had the most wonderful 9.5 months getting to know him in my womb. I would have given anything for just one moment to hear him cry. I do not take anything away from parents that have lost a child after birth, and I can't imagine how hard that would be. I just wish I would have got to bring my baby home with me.
• A lot of people that I know have lost babies- Yes, unfortunately many women have lost children. I am so sorry for mothers that have early term miscarriages. It's not better or worse to have a child that is born stillborn, it's just different. I know that we had a baby that we were able to love for 9.5 months, much longer than some parents get to experience. But to go until two days before his due day with all the hopes and expectations of bringing that baby home to be part of your life is unfathomable. The first things we did as parents was plan Jackson's funeral. That's not suppose to be the circle of life. I am thankful for the pictures we were able to take and the memories we will cherish for a lifetime.

That's all for today- I promise to start posting more pictures. We have been working so hard in the yard the last few weeks. Our trees we planted last fall are all blooming beautifully. The tree we planted for Jackson was the last one to bloom. I feel like it is God reminding us again to be patient and good things will come.

Spring has Sprung

Yesterday was one of the most beautiful days we have had in a long time. I spent the weekend at my parents house in western Nebraska. This is one of the busiest times of the year for my husband, so he stayed home. Boo. I hurried back Sunday morning to make sure we could spend most of Easter together.





Holidays are always bittersweet. Easter is a celebration to praise our risen savior. I enjoyed going to the early morning church service with my mom. That service that always seemed SO early as a child- we begged mom and dad not to have to go so we could stay home and eat the candy we had received in our Easter baskets. We usually didn't have to go to church until the 10:00 service. I'm not sure why my memories of Easter as a child always involve white patent leather shoes that would scratch and get a big black mark on them by the end of the day.





The flip side of the day is spent thinking about how we would have celebrated Jackson's first Easter. My heart ached as I watched all the children in their cute Easter clothes and I think what I would have gotten for him to wear. I'm guessing he would have gotten an Easter basket full of candy that Anthony and I would have ate! ha! We know he celebrated with the other little one's in Heaven- Easter egg hunt and all!





We purchased a new grill this weekend and on that note I want to let the folks at Weber grills know that the estimated time of 30 minutes for assembly is only accurate if you have 14 hands and go go gadget arms. Seriously it took me 2 hours to complete the task with no extra parts at the end! ;) Oh how I love to grill! Steaks last night and hamburgers tonight with sauteed onions, red peppers and provolone cheese. Yummy! It's Bobby Flay's Philly Burger from www.foodnetwork.com

A newbie to the blogging world

Well- here it is, my official first post of "Tiny Toes and Sunshine Lullabies." I want to make this blog about life not death, about hellos not goodbyes. Today would be our sweet little Jackson's 6 month birthday. We still miss him as much as we did 6 months ago. I thought this would be a good time to start our blog and hopefully help other mommies who's babies that went to heaven too soon.

I'm not sure anyone will ever read this blog (except my mom of course), but that's ok. I am excited to record our journey of whatever life has for us next. You will see our crazy life- for better or worse.

Why the name of Tiny Toes and Sunshine Lullabies? My favorite picture of Jackson is the one with his toes and the sunshine part comes from the day of his funeral. It was a cold day, but out of nowhere, the sun popped out of the clouds just long enough for the short service we had. The same thing happened the first day we to the cemetery to visit him. I believe when I see the sun, it's Jackson smiling down on us reminding us of brighter days ahead.