What not to Say

When I began this blog, I did it with the intention to help others. This post if for the friends and family of families who have lost a little one. If you are someone who has lost a little a child due to stillbirth, please add additions in the comments sections. This is not a complete list, I'm sure I will add to it with time.

I am a self described know-it-all, I'm sure there is more than one (o.k. closer to a million) occasion that I have offered unsolicited advice to my friends and family on every topic from finances to dating. But since losing Jackson, I have become much softer with my tongue, letting comments go to my brain-then mouth. The filter method is working well for me.

In the past 6.5 months I have had so much support from so many people, it was amazing who steps up in a time of need and who really sucks.

This blog was prompted by a recent run in with a former co-worker. While her intentions were good, her comments were so hurtful. In the case of a loss, less is definitely more when it comes to words. I understand the awkwardness of not knowing what to say. I also greatly appreciate the fact that people acknowledge Jackson. Even if what they say hurts my broken heart. It's kind of a double edge sword for me.

So here are a list of few things not to say (in my opinion of course!)-

• God needed another angel- This one is going to be hard for me to write on right now, because as a women of faith, I am still angry with God. But I will tell you as a women who held her baby in my arms, I didn't want to give god an angel. I know that Jackson is in heaven and I am slowing coming to terms with having a special angel, but I wasn't in it for making angels.
• God only takes children if there is something wrong-I held a perfectly precious baby with 10 fingers and 10 toes and doctors can't give me a medical explanations for the stillbirth.
• God only gives us what he knows we can handle- If you are listening God- my plate is full.
• It wasn't meant to be- Who are we to decide that?
• You can try again- There will always be a place in our hearts for Jackson and no other child will ever replace that. We will be thankful for more children and we will love them with all our hearts, but they will never be meant to replace J.T.
• Aren't you glad it didn't happened after he was born- Nope. I had the most wonderful 9.5 months getting to know him in my womb. I would have given anything for just one moment to hear him cry. I do not take anything away from parents that have lost a child after birth, and I can't imagine how hard that would be. I just wish I would have got to bring my baby home with me.
• A lot of people that I know have lost babies- Yes, unfortunately many women have lost children. I am so sorry for mothers that have early term miscarriages. It's not better or worse to have a child that is born stillborn, it's just different. I know that we had a baby that we were able to love for 9.5 months, much longer than some parents get to experience. But to go until two days before his due day with all the hopes and expectations of bringing that baby home to be part of your life is unfathomable. The first things we did as parents was plan Jackson's funeral. That's not suppose to be the circle of life. I am thankful for the pictures we were able to take and the memories we will cherish for a lifetime.

That's all for today- I promise to start posting more pictures. We have been working so hard in the yard the last few weeks. Our trees we planted last fall are all blooming beautifully. The tree we planted for Jackson was the last one to bloom. I feel like it is God reminding us again to be patient and good things will come.